I haven’t posted for a while as I’ve only been on one date in January…well if you call it a date.
Heath, whom I exchanged numbers with when I first joined Pick, resurfaced.
For me, when a guy does this, it means that I was on his reserve list. Some women wouldn’t give him the time of day. But I didn’t waste much time on him, so why not? You never know what can happen? I guess he was on my reserve list too! I was speaking to about eight guys the first time Heath and I spoke. I had arranged to meet seven guys but only two happened. The dating game in London is something else!
He invited me for a drink and arranged to meet in his part of town. Let’s just say the date (if you call it that), lasted an hour.
So there I was in his apartment, looking back at it, I totally walked into this situation. He suggested an option of a bar or his apartment, as it was cold etc. As he’s Scandinavian, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Note to self; don’t follow national stereotypes!
This hot, 6’1 blonde guy sitting next to me. We were talking about how long we’ve been single and past dates from Pick. The usual dating questions. “So what do you want?” he whispered as he leaned over and looked me straight in the eye.
“I go with the flow, but I don’t want a fling. Whatever happens, happens”. I smiled. And it sure did. As he leaned in for a kiss, I slightly pushed back, but hey, he was a good kisser. I tried my hardest not to give in fully, but my body couldn’t resist any longer. Before I knew it I was on top of him in an oasis of passion. I don’t mean romantically, just an attraction. Good sexual chemistry. We took it to the bed and BAM! I was serviced. I’m having flashbacks writing this now! 😉
However for the first time in my life I was speechless and ashamed. Me, a girl who has done some things that would be put 50 shades of grey to shame. But yet, it not being my first time sleeping with a guy I hardly know, I was embarrassed. I guess I have matured emotionally. I can’t do the mental aspect of dating. I know I can’t. Having just had great sex, we both laid there. We didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t planned, but it felt right. We both felt dirty (not in a good way) but turned on at the same time. He stroked my arm and asked if I was ok. As I stared at the wall, I replied “yes” and if he had done this before. “No”, he replied “You?”. Of course I lied, and said “no”. But technically I wasn’t lying as the other times where more “casual dates”, with no intentions on both parts.
As he dropped me back to the station, we both quite couldn’t handle what happened. It would have been awkward to stay for dinner and I just wanted to go home and slap and high five my self at the same time! Surprisingly he contacted me for the next couple of days. I thought I’d blown it, I just don’t mean dating wise.
What’s wrong with me!? Take Tony, the teacher, a lovely guy and great boyfriend material. But there was no spark. Instead of telling him this, I told him I’ve been offered a job in Copenhagen and I might take it. He was so excited and supportive. We wished each other a happy new year, but I never kept him updated with my “plans”. I do feel like a bitch for lying. I’m just not willing to deal with the drama/emotions. Yet I don’t just “disappear” as I find it rude (it has happened to me a lot). Yes- I realised I’ve contradicted myself.
I don’t want to be obsessed with trying to do the dating thing properly, as let’s face it, I can’t. It’s like there is some spell enabling me to have a relationship. But I can see myself slowly going back to my old ways. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I just need someone who can handle me in every way. Knowing that I am a minx, but one with a brain. Although this is part of my makeup, it doesn’t define me as a person. It’s just a shame mainstream society can’t accept it.
Heath did text me again on Sunday to meet and it wasn’t for coffee. My response was “you have hands for a reason”. I’d be surprised if he contacts me within the next month or so.