Out Of The Blue

A week into joining the dating site (Pick- a fake name, of course), I met a guy normally. Walking down Oxford Street in my own little world as per usual. And there he was, a Mediterranean carbon copy of Jason Statham mischievously smiles at me. Naturally, I smiled back. The conversation struck and then he asked me out for a drink! ‘When?’ I asked, with my heart racing with excitement and apprehension. Staring at me dead in the eye, he softly replied ‘now’. I’m not amazing with eye contact, not intense ones. But I’m still a minx and he was hot! Plus, it’s more fun than sitting at home.

So there we were in a bar, talking as we do. About work, what we studied etc. I could just feel my head exploding. Thinking of questions, date ones. I’m extremely sarcastic, so I had to be on my best behavior. From past experiences, not all guys take it well or it goes down a different route!

Sitting at the table pissing myself with fear, I did what I do best- sarcasm. I boldly demanded my ring and a key to his place. ‘Sure’ he said as he smiled. This broke the ice. I quickly pointed out that I’m not into games, nothing causal nor do I want to get married next year. Others would see this as a no no. But I’ve never been one to play by the rules. ‘I go with the flow’ he cried.

The conversation flowed. His body language seemed like he was on edge. Nervous, perhaps? Not sure any how many women would have a drink with someone they have known for 30 seconds! But to be fair, I did find out he was in his early 40’s. It was clear on my part it wouldn’t go much further.

As he dropped me off at the station, he pulled me in with his big manly arms of steel. ‘I could get used to this’ my head screams. He softly asked if I had a good time. ‘Yes’, I replied. What was I meant to say? ‘You seemed a bit standoffish. But yeah, ok’.
Then, before I knew it, he kisses me. I became weak, my head floating into an oasis. It reminded me of a date I had in the summer. ‘The’ date’s of all dates. Then I remembered the disappointment and slowly came back down to earth.

Walking in separate directions I smiled to myself. ‘I can do this!’ ‘You rock’ my merry go round mind screamed.Knowing it wouldn’t go anywhere, I quickly, became deflated.

Girl in the mirror

So here I am, in my room thinking what am I going to do with my life?
I quit my job (which was needed). But what I also craved was someone to off load too. Not a friend or a casual lover that I’m comfortable with, but a boyfriend. Someone that makes me feel warm inside. Someone to go out with, exploring London and the world. Someone I can ‘grow with’ and vice versa. This is something I have always struggled with. I’ve been always good at keeping my emotions in check. However, after being ill due to work and my shocking dating experiences, I have decided that enough is enough! There is nothing wrong with being emotional. We are human after all.
So after half listening to a friend, I put on my big girl boots and jumped back into the online dating world. I’ve never been in the environment to meet guys normally, well ones I would date. Not that I’m that picky mind you! I haven’t had much luck, but I’m not one to be self-defeated.

As I browsed for the ‘best’ site for me, I could feel my heart beating with fear. What if I meet another guy that says one thing and does the other? I’m going to have to play ‘the game’ now? (You’ll understand from my future posts what I mean). Am I actually ready for this?