The First Date

So here we are, my first date from Pick! I wasn’t too sure what to expect. But what I did know is that I had to get back on the horse and stop making excuses. You know, he’s too tall or too short. He likes “girly” things, which I don’t, etc! Excuses can be made in fear!

Tony wasn’t my usual type, but he did compliment me on my eyes. It was a Monday night date. Somehow that means its not as much pressure as a weekend date right? Well- for a first date I think.

Lying in bed the night before, I could feel my head going round in a continuous spiral. What to wear? I want to make an impression right? But what if he was just in his normal day to day clothes? I couldn’t think of anything worse than going overdressed. Overdressed as in my fitted dress, 4inch heels plus Spanx for good measure. Basically, I can’t go home with him. But what about jeans? Personally, I love them. But I don’t think it’s a first date sort of outfit.

After a long day in the office, I jumped out of the office in anticipation power walking to the tube station. There I was on the tube, fake playing with my iPhone to avoid eye contact. It’s a London thing, unless he is cute, then I might smile ;-). My head was frantically thinking of questions to ask Tony. Knowing that I would forget most of them, still thought it was best to “practice”. Like you do before an exam, I would think of topics that might come up.

As I was waiting at the station, looking at people’s vacant faces, I could actually the butterflies in my tummy. There he was. His piercing blue eyes and dark hair. Looked better than his picture, but looks are only skin deep. I am the ultimate psychosexual!

Having a drink in an old London pub which was surprisingly busy for a Monday night the conversation flowed well. There were a couple of silent moments, but it was a first date. We spoke about the usual stuff. Work, travels, childhood, etc. He was a nice guy and he appreciated the effort I made with my skirt (according to his eyes).

As we left the pub and walked across the Embankment I took a make to take in the views. Nothing is better than being in the city at night. The architecture, the lights; the river. We looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity and my head was like fuck it! So we kissed. Tony walked me back to the station, holding hands like a love sick couple. I wasn’t excited, this was my way to cope with any disappointment that might come my way. Just because you had a good, great or fantastic first date. Doesn’t mean there will be a second one…

Out Of The Blue

A week into joining the dating site (Pick- a fake name, of course), I met a guy normally. Walking down Oxford Street in my own little world as per usual. And there he was, a Mediterranean carbon copy of Jason Statham mischievously smiles at me. Naturally, I smiled back. The conversation struck and then he asked me out for a drink! ‘When?’ I asked, with my heart racing with excitement and apprehension. Staring at me dead in the eye, he softly replied ‘now’. I’m not amazing with eye contact, not intense ones. But I’m still a minx and he was hot! Plus, it’s more fun than sitting at home.

So there we were in a bar, talking as we do. About work, what we studied etc. I could just feel my head exploding. Thinking of questions, date ones. I’m extremely sarcastic, so I had to be on my best behavior. From past experiences, not all guys take it well or it goes down a different route!

Sitting at the table pissing myself with fear, I did what I do best- sarcasm. I boldly demanded my ring and a key to his place. ‘Sure’ he said as he smiled. This broke the ice. I quickly pointed out that I’m not into games, nothing causal nor do I want to get married next year. Others would see this as a no no. But I’ve never been one to play by the rules. ‘I go with the flow’ he cried.

The conversation flowed. His body language seemed like he was on edge. Nervous, perhaps? Not sure any how many women would have a drink with someone they have known for 30 seconds! But to be fair, I did find out he was in his early 40’s. It was clear on my part it wouldn’t go much further.

As he dropped me off at the station, he pulled me in with his big manly arms of steel. ‘I could get used to this’ my head screams. He softly asked if I had a good time. ‘Yes’, I replied. What was I meant to say? ‘You seemed a bit standoffish. But yeah, ok’.
Then, before I knew it, he kisses me. I became weak, my head floating into an oasis. It reminded me of a date I had in the summer. ‘The’ date’s of all dates. Then I remembered the disappointment and slowly came back down to earth.

Walking in separate directions I smiled to myself. ‘I can do this!’ ‘You rock’ my merry go round mind screamed.Knowing it wouldn’t go anywhere, I quickly, became deflated.

Girl in the mirror

So here I am, in my room thinking what am I going to do with my life?
I quit my job (which was needed). But what I also craved was someone to off load too. Not a friend or a casual lover that I’m comfortable with, but a boyfriend. Someone that makes me feel warm inside. Someone to go out with, exploring London and the world. Someone I can ‘grow with’ and vice versa. This is something I have always struggled with. I’ve been always good at keeping my emotions in check. However, after being ill due to work and my shocking dating experiences, I have decided that enough is enough! There is nothing wrong with being emotional. We are human after all.
So after half listening to a friend, I put on my big girl boots and jumped back into the online dating world. I’ve never been in the environment to meet guys normally, well ones I would date. Not that I’m that picky mind you! I haven’t had much luck, but I’m not one to be self-defeated.

As I browsed for the ‘best’ site for me, I could feel my heart beating with fear. What if I meet another guy that says one thing and does the other? I’m going to have to play ‘the game’ now? (You’ll understand from my future posts what I mean). Am I actually ready for this?